I had always thought that men, as a result of a love break, lasted a little while, while we kept thinking about what could be and did not happen. But, men also cry and suffer, only that, initially, they demonstrate it in a different way; this according to a study reviewed in BBC World.
Craig Morris, anthropology researcher at Binghamton University and leader of the international study, which included the responses of 5,705 people, found that women suffer greater pain immediately after separation, but emotionally recover first than men. While they, many times continue with their life as if nothing, sweeping the pain “under the bed”, as I say. However, they never complete the “mourning” process, so necessary to start a new relationship on the right foot. According to the BBC World report, men “go ahead but may never recover.”
How long is the “mourning”?
Some time ago I interviewed on how to leave behind emotional codependence and asked him about the process of “mourning” in men. And is that, usually after a separation these seem to be ready to go with friends to drink and meet girls. However, what I have seen from my friends and acquaintances is the opposite. They stay at home watching romantic movies or talking with their friends, over and over again, about the incidents that unleashed the breakup. So, how long does the “mourning” of them take?
” With the emotional aspects can not be generalized . But, as many men are more physical, they do not give themselves permission to connect with their emotions. They are more practical. Man does not want to work so much with his pain , “Marini explained.
Ideal time to forget
My friends have had epic breaks. Most have been during their courtship relationships. Some would think that a separation in a courtship is not as severe as that which occurs in a marriage relationship. But, Marini clarified that nowadays courtships are almost a marriage since couples have all kinds of intimacy. He mentioned, for example, that after a marriage, it can take an average of four years to heal . So, if courtship seems more and more like a marriage, it is more than understandable that the recovery process is also very similar. In the end, the ideal time to forget depends on how the relationship and the breakup took. (For example, was there an opportunity to forgive?)
But alternative dispute resolution on how do you recognize that the duel has passed? “That will happen when you meet the ex, for example, and do not hold a grudge against him. Each one experiences the healing process in a different way, but when one has healed he recognizes it because he says ‘ enough (enough) I will seek my happiness’ “, exemplified Marini.
A nail pulls out another nail?
One tactic that some men (and women) also use to forget is to quickly find a new partner. They swear that now their life will be perfect, but sometimes, as the song of Julio Iglesias says, “they stumble over the same stone”. Marini warned that “rebounding” or overlapping (keeping in touch with the ex-partner while meeting a new one) “is fatal because patterns repeat themselves and a lot of resentment is brought to a new relationship.”
To avoid a “rebound” relationship, he recommended:
- Live the process of loss (“mourning”)
- Recognize that one is not using another person to forget an ex
- Begin a new relationship after the healing process
So men, take note so that they recover soon. And women, good eyes, so they do not fall into the networks of a man who is not yet available to love fully. Because, as Morris explained in his study, the differences are biological and man tends to seek to recover in a self-destructive way, sometimes looking for a new partner without being ready. The important thing is that you, man or woman, do not let them break your heart while another tries to heal .